So, again, continuing where I left off with the last post: So after speaking with my sister, the day was starting to end, so I followed the daily routine, which included speaking with my second one-to-one of the day, and then called it a night. So, morning of Day #4, I follow the daily morning routine, which is roughly: vitals, breakfast, hygiene, and then the morning community meeting. After the daily morning routine, there are optional groups to participate in and a meeting with the medical team. After lunch, things are usually very relaxing, and patients can watch movies, read, play games, etc.
So on Day #2 and #3, I was asked if I wanted to join the group activities, and I said that I’d sit out because I was busy writing. Day #4, I was at a good stopping point with writing and was available to participate in group activities. However, I was intentionally being looked over and not asked, which was funny to me; I actually spent a lot of time laughing at how ridiculous the whole situation was.
So that morning, I was in the lounge area, looking through the dictionary and writing random things, nothing in particular. There was this patient there, actually, I think there was more than one patient there, who was only there, because I was there; whether it was to remind me of someone I know, or whatever… but it was mostly that, I think, to remind me of someone I know… and I could be wrong, but I don’t think I am. Anyway, so this patient said the word “abandoned,” randomly, while on the phone. So why did this patient say this word? Well, like I said before, these people were in communication with my family, almost constantly, and with instances like this, I was absolutely convinced. So these people probably told my father that I was spending time with the dictionary, and to harass me, my father told them to say the word “abandoned.” The reason for this is because when my mother finally cut my dad off and stopped visiting us kids, he pointed to that word in the dictionary and told us that our mother had abandoned us… and I actually don’t blame her… I mean, look at me; I’m trying to cut my dad out of my life, but he has the ability to cyberstalk me, and we aren’t even in the same time zone and he’s still all up in my business and harassing me, and it’s not just him.
So while I’m on the topic, during most one-to-one’s, patients are asked a series of questions. One of these questions is “do you feel safe?” I would answer “no” and explain how I do feel safe from physical harm, but I don’t feel safe from verbal harassment or third party harassment. Don’t get me wrong, I understand people aren’t perfect, I can put up with some negativity, I’m not overly sensitive; but when there is a malicious effort to derange or cause harm, that’s not okay, that’s evil. That morning, according to my notes, someone said aloud, “you lost,” and I replied, “I know my rights,” and they replied, “… please cry.” And to be fair, I did have good moments there, I did meet good people there, people who really enjoy their profession, helping people; it was a messy situation that these people should have never been put in. I can specifically recall instances where some people were making an effort to be nice… but the third party harassment continued, so I can also recall instances where some people were making an effort to be mean. So how do you know when you’re in an abusive situation? The way I understanding it is if you add up all the negatives and positives, and if the negatives outweigh the positives, then the situation is abusive.
So eventually, that morning, I’m called to go meet with the treatment team, and they start by asking me how I was doing. I forget exactly what I said, but according to my notes, I told them I was saying “no” to medication, and I continued to not authorize communication between the doctors and my family. I continued with a brief update, and then asked if I could read my file. So, I’m not sure if I already mentioned this, but the night before, I asked to ready my file, and was told to wait to meet with the doctors. Then I asked the doctors, and they told me to wait for my one-to-one. I was polite and calm. They asked me if I had anymore questions, and I told them “no” and then mentioned that I wanted to go home, I remain in peaceful protest, I’m willing to participate in groups but I was being overlooked… I also mentioned that I spoke with my sister and she was trying to find me a lawyer.
So after this meeting with the doctors, I called my sister. She tells me that she did some research and she reached out to a couple of lawyers, but hadn’t found one yet. It was during this phone call with my sister that one of the doctors was being really mean; I guess the stress of a potential lawsuit was being felt. One of the things this doctor said was, “you’re going to get shot!” I asked my sister if she was hearing what I was hearing, and she says no. I didn’t have anything to write down what was being said, so I ask my sister to start taking notes. I had a second phone call with my sister an hour or so later. That’s when I mentioned that another doctor had said “don’t talk.” My sister was being a bit insincere, and even asked me if she could speak with someone, which kind of annoyed me, and I told her she doesn’t need to speak with anyone but me. She was still trying to find a lawyer and still researching the law.
So, after lunch, I still hadn’t met with my one-to-one yet, and I was looking forward to this because I wanted to read the documents I signed, per my request. I had a good idea of what I agreed to, but I wanted to reread exactly what I had agreed to. Knowing that I was looking forward to reading these documents, this nurse was intentionally delaying our one-to-one. I asked this nurse what was taking forever and the nurse tells me it’s been a busy day, intentionally trying to annoy me. I knew they were trying to upset me, so I never got upset. What’s more is, they were also kind of making fun that my sister was playing along with them to harass me by being insincere. So they are laughing at me, ever so slightly. So I mentioned to the nurse that I didn’t appreciate how people were being insincere, and that my sister was being fake and hasn’t really helped me yet. I told the nurse that I have a blog, and that I will write about this. When I mentioned this, I felt like it deflated the rise they were getting from laughing at me. I guess to cheer me up, the nurse mentioned that the doctors move me up to Level 1; so there’s a level system at the ward, and the higher the level, the more privileges a patient has. I had been on a closed level. Not understanding the level system yet, I told the nurse I didn’t see how that changed anything. The nurse tells me that I was on a closed level because I had said I felt compelled to leave, but now they are not worried about me trying to escape. I said, yeah, I was compelled to leave because I never wanted to be there from the start, but I never tried to escape.
So after asking this nurse about the delayed one-to-one, I decide to go to my room to exercise. I start exercising and after my warm up, one of the doctors enters my room to speak with my roommate. My roommate is sitting by the window, reading a book, enjoying the view. The doctor starts speaking with my roommate, but then the doctor starts to indirectly and implicitly sympathize with me because of what I had said about my family being fake, and my sister was starting to collude with these people to mess with me, and it was now obvious. The sympathy was fake, and I wasn’t going to play into it. Then the doctor starts to leave the room, and as the doctor is closing the door, the doctor meanly whispers “rape.” At that point, I was already a little pumped up, so I happily and jokingly say “I’m a genius.” I guess the doctor was upset that I understood that what was going on was illegal and I was protesting my admittance and being held there. So the doctor wanted to caress my oh so hurt feelings and then devastate me, which didn’t work; it actually took me a while to make sense of the doctor’s intentions… ((“Jesus! What was that all about?”)) So I guess my reply was perfect.
So, I eventually meet with the one-to-one. At this point, I hadn’t even asked when I’d leave because it wasn’t what I was focused on. I was focused on finding out what the law said, and I was hoping that a lawyer could, via phone, speak with the hospital and tell them they are in violation of a particular law, and with that, they would let me go immediately afterward. I was told 72 hours a couple of times, but when did the 72 hours start? Not sure, they never mentioned, and I never asked. As of Day #2 at 1000, I declared myself held against my will and under false imprisonment, and those are the only hours I was counting. But since my sister had asked me when I was going to be able to leave, I asked this nurse, and the nurse said “it depends;” I was not surprised. Anyway, so the doctor brings me one sheet, of all the documents I signed, for me to review. I was actually only concerned with two pages, one more than the other, and the nurse brought the one I was most interested in. So that page had two contracts I signed. Both contracts were small, probably took up half a page at most. One contract was called a No Harm Contract and the other was called No Elopement Contract; so I basically agreed to not harm myself or others, and to not run away or escape, and that was all. There was no other documentation that told me I was going to be held in a psych ward for an amount of time and all that being in a psych ward entails.
To be continued…