2-3-22
Gym
I’m sure the harassment at the gym today was a reaction to the tweet I sent yesterday. I didn’t really want to blog, but this is too much for a tweet… So today I went to the gym early and people were there and it didn’t take much time for the verbal harassment to start. (Someone next to me just said “don’t shoot” and I’ll explain what that means soon). So the verbal harassment continues, by the people there at the gym, in the form of whispering. At the same time, the local news on the TV was also partaking in the verbal harassment. Yesterday the verbal harassers were having a conversation, so the harassment was different than the whispering today. I couldn’t really ask if they wanted to talk because they were making the verbal harassment even more indirect, intentionally. Eventually one of the verbal harassers whispers “Jew.” It was definitely loud enough for me to hear and it was indirect. So I decide to verbally defend myself and condemn the behavior by saying directly “lowlife … racist.” I’m glad I said something because it seemed liked the verbal harassers soon began to regret their behavior, especially after I took note of it on my iPhone, while saying aloud what I was taking note of. The verbal harassment continued, despite the slight regret, and the local news on TV also continued to verbally harass. Eventually the verbal harassers leave and I’m (some guy just said “snap”) in the gym by myself. A couple of minutes pass and two older guys, dressed in business attire, older than the verbal harassers who had recently left, walk into the gym for no obvious reason to me, other than to say “don’t shoot” along with other verbal harassment. “Don’t shoot” basically means not to write and talk about the harassment because it’ll make these people look bad. It’s delusional reasoning and a way to manipulate the situation to portray the offenders as victims. These two guys were older, and you’d think they’d have the character, maturity, and wisdom to foster a healthy, just, and fair environment… but they don’t. They are being people abusers, preying on a vulnerable individual. I think that’s when I decided I was going to blog today because it exemplifies the cyberstalking culture. So those guys leave, and eventually some other person, younger, probably around the same age as the other verbal harassers earlier, enters the gym. (So there are some older guys next to me, … I’m on my iPhone and blogging as I’m going through my morning after the gym… they are around the same age as the two older guys who entered the gym… older in the sense that the majority of the hair on their head is gray, and I think one of them whispered “snitch,” which is… I don’t know… it makes me think what happened to the men in this world?) (So I was assigned a task today, but it was a sham and a collective effort to harass, and the harassment at the gym actually seemed to be a precursor to this sham assignment. Basically, it was an effort to implicitly tell me to return back to my parents house… which is human trafficking… isn’t already bad enough that I’m being cyberstalked, stalked, and harassed?) Anyway… so this guy enters the gym and started to verbally harass, in the form of whispering. All I was saying to these verbal harassers today is “… whispering… whispering…” after the guy at the gym earlier said “Jew.” So this person says something, and I wasn’t going to mentioned it, because I kind of want to be as private as possible, but with this cyberstalking, I can’t, because I have absolutely no privacy. This guy said “build houses.” Why would he say this? Well, as I mentioned in a recent blog, I received a long awaited update regarding the status of the sham situation that I’m in and discovered that I have to wait to move forward with my military career. So I missed out on an opportunity. So at the moment, I’m researching options, and the cyberstalkers are aware that I’m researching options, and it seems like they are even anticipating the options that I’ll be researching. The military has a ton of opportunities. Among the several paths that I can take, one of them is going to law school. So the last couple of days, I’ve been researching this option and it really seems quite perfect, especially given the situation that I’m in, and my experience with people who don’t understand or follow the law. There are several factors that I must consider and weigh before focusing my time on any of the options, however, going to law school is one of those options. So now, there seems to be this envious (the bad kind of envy) reaction by the cyberstalking culture. Old friends are reacting, trying to deter me from pursuing this option, because THEY aspire, or aspired, to go to law school. From my experience, I think there needs to be more lawyers, or at least people who think like lawyers, because if there were more people who thought like lawyers, I would have less problems and this cyberstalking would have never happened. But see, I have the maturity and wisdom to not be selfish. I want to tell these old friends, “please! go to law school!” … Anyway, so … that’s about it for now, but I do want to write a bit more on envy because, what I realized before, and what I’m re-realizing now is, the personal issues that I say are the reasons that fuel the cyberstalkers and the cyberstalking culture, I think most of those issues are rooted in envy; people who don’t know how to deal with their envy, or people who might know how to deal with their envy but got corrupted by the cyberstalking culture, or people who are aware of this envy and either exploit it, or just simply don’t know how to provide the critical thinking, or mind thought tactics, that are necessary to cope with envy. It is absolutely okay to want more for yourself, but you gotta be healthy and respect other’s rights. Eventually, this healthy way to deal with envy, will work itself back into the culture, so that everyone will have their right to fulfill their personal pursuits, more easily.
2-4-22
Gym
It seems as though my recent return to the gym is being used by the harassers to plan and carry out harassment efforts. Today, the gym wasn’t being used by many people, but there were a couple of people just sitting around, not even talking much. I’m guessing their silence was a reaction to what I’ve written so far, regarding the verbal harassment. There was some verbal harassment by those people, but it wasn’t much. Today, it seems as though most of the verbal harassment was from the local news on TV. I wasn’t too sure, until it was kind of obvious. Their verbal harassment was kind of tense, and included odd mocking of whimpers and cries. It was as if they were trying to hurt my feelings, but I was actually unfazed, a bit annoyed, and actually more surprised at the shameless broadcasting of verbal harassment. I could have turned off the TV, but I wanted more information to understand what exactly was going on. I try to understand my harassers, putting myself in their shoes, to understand their emotions, and sometimes it’s actually quite difficult for me to understand someone’s emotions. Today though, I was listening to the tone, trying to understand the energy and the intentions. I still don’t understand the intentions. I understand the behavior is not healthy. I understand that the energy to make the effort to verbally harass was negative. Some people can verbally harass and can be very calm, other’s might be tense probably because it goes against their values, but other’s might be tense because they are attacking; I think that’s when you can call verbal harassment “verbal attacks” or “verbal assaults.” So yeah, I felt like I was being verbally attacked by the local news on TV, while the couple of individuals at the gym were mostly quiet. But what am I going to say to these verbal harassers if they aren’t present? It seemed as though these local news hosts were actively receiving information while I was at the gym, probably from the people there at the gym. So I said aloud, “verbal rapists… being broadcasted…,” which is kind of harsh, but the way I see it, if someone is hitting you, you have the right to defend yourself. It was loud enough for the people there at the gym to hear, and I figured they might report it to the cyberstalkers and to the local news on TV. It seemed as though what I said did make it to the local news hosts on TV. I said nothing more. I figured I said enough and would write about it later.
Society
So it appears to me that some people are offended by me wondering about what happened to the men in this world, as I wrote earlier in this blog. What I mean by men is people of good character, essentially. So I went to the pool today and there was this guy who randomly said, under his breath, indirectly to me, “society.” I’m serious when I say there are grown men, old men with gray hair, who partake in this cyberstalking culture, and verbally harass me, or whatever, by whispering words under their breath. So why would this person say this word? I’m happy to write about this because this is a perfect example of people who watch too many movies and essentially live their lives through movies, or shows. These people who live their lives through what they see being acted out on a screen with flashy (the keyboard was just disconnected from this computer and the battery is at 56%, and upon being reconnected, the person in the neighboring room is slamming things) colors and sounds seem to not realize these movies and shows are written by normal people, and not by super humans.
Anyway… so it was probably around the end of 2014, and I was working for the fortune 500 company in San Francisco. One night I was in my sister’s room, and it seemed like she purposefully wanted me to see a certain part of a show. I don’t know what the show is called, but the scene in the show had this guy venting about being labeled an alcoholic, and he was saying how once “society” sees you as an alcoholic… I forget exactly what he says… it was dramatic though, because, it’s a show. What my sister was trying to tell me is, once society sees me as a pedophile, it’s permanent, I’m doomed, my life is over, drama, drama, drama… Yeah, sure, it was difficult to deal with the harassment and with everybody turning on me, but, I’m not a pedophile, and the same idiotic “society” that “labels” me as a pedophile, is the same idiotic delusional “society” that tells me I’m not a pedophile. (I think I literally just heard someone whisper “he is”) So this buzz word, “society,” and the fallacy it represents, simply demonstrates how idiotic this harassment by this cyberstalking culture is. Instead of this buzz word making me feel hopeless, as if I’ll never be accepted by society… as if this cyberstalking culture represent all of society… I see it as a chance for me to talk about how idiotic and senseless this cyberstalking culture is and how evil humanity can be. So that’s basically the story behind the word “society.”
So why would the cyberstalkers now want to have this word delivered to me? What they are trying to say is, that it is not a problem with men… that there is not a problem with men not having good character, but that it’s society, and society is against me. Which is again, a fallacy, because if men were men and had good character, I would have less problems. None of these people who partake in this cyberstalking culture will speak with me face-to-face, man-to-man, and speak honestly and directly about this cyberstalking culture and any of its byproducts.
So after this guy, an older guy, with some gray hair, says “society,” I say aloud “the Nazis killed six million Jews… it multiplies… as history shows.” What I was hoping to convey to this guy, other’s at the pool, and people who partake in this cyberstalking culture in general is, using “society” to justify behavior rooted in bad character makes absolutely no sense, because as history shows, societies can turn very evil. The negative sentiments of a single individual, or a small group of individuals, can spread to a very large scale. So essentially, the cyberstalkers themselves are demonstrating that this cyberstalking culture is evil, since this cyberstalking is unjustifiable, and, super illegal. I’m just one person, and the contributors to this cyberstalking culture is… I don’t know how many people, but it’s a lot of people.
I’d say, throughout this cyberstalking experience, the people who I’ve seen who have good character, generally, tend to be people who are religious or conservative. The real religious people though; the people who understand religion is supposed to help people be good people. And conservatives, people who don’t compromise American values. Initially, I didn’t really understand what Charlie Kirk meant by “not compromising your values,” but now I think I do. I’d say religious people and conservatives are essentially the same people because religious people subscribe to a moral code. Conservatives want to conserve American values, which are founded on morality, so conservatives essentially subscribe to a moral code as well.
Envy
So now I’ll write a bit about envy because people seem to be reacting to what I’ve written so far about envy. I wouldn’t say I’m not an envious person and I wouldn’t say I am an envious person. I’m human, and I have emotions, just like any other human has emotions. Some people know how to deal with negative emotions, and those people are super cool. Some people are just happy people and don’t have many negative emotions. I know that if I had support, I would experience less negative emotions, but with all the negativity I endure, I would say I’m a stable person, but I wouldn’t say I’m a naturally balanced person. I probably was a naturally balanced person at a certain point in my life, and it was probably after I had no support when I was no longer a balanced person. It takes effort for me to be balanced. For some people, a simple couple minute phone call with their mom is all they need to be balanced. For me, I need to exercise, and I need to do a lot of self talk and understanding of my emotions. Most of the negative emotions I experience are simply because I have no support. I would be able to endure the negativity more easily if I had support. At this point, if I had no support and didn’t have to deal with the negativity, I would be naturally balanced. I don’t let those negative emotions control my behavior. I simply understand myself.
I really liked how I grew up. I don’t think I was envy. I was always very hopeful. I didn’t get good grades, until high school. I played soccer on a losing team most of the time. So growing up, I knew how to lose; I was a good loser. Let’s say if my soccer team lost, but I played well and made an effort, I was happy. So I was a good loser, and then I started doing well, and then things just started happening for me. Being a loser, I worked hard, and it paid off. I was very grateful. So if I was envious, it was the good kind of envy; an aspiration, an admiration, kind of envy.
In college, I vividly recall telling my cyberstalking college friend that I wasn’t jealous of anybody. I told him if there was something, a quality, that someone had, or something, I told him that “I would figure them out.” For example, this college friend, he was very good a verbal defense. I admired his verbal skills, tactics, and defense. I didn’t really know how to verbally defend myself, and I would simply stay quiet and work hard. I eventually learned how to verbally defend myself, and it was after I realized I had a barrier I needed to think myself through. That barrier was that I was a very nice and respectful person. I didn’t like being mean to people, even if that person was offending me. What’s more, if I started to verbally defend myself, I would get angry and I just wanted to fight. I even told this friend that if I could resolve all my problems by physically fighting, I wouldn’t have any problems. How I overcame this barrier is, I actually researched verbal defense, and I read about this buddhist concept, that says you have to be nice to yourself before you can be nice to anyone else. That buddhist concept helped with the anger and made it easier for me to say something without being angry. It’s crazy, but now, if people are verbally harassing, all I really have to say is, and calmly, with conviction, “you are a terrible person,” and it works.
Anyway, so I’d say I never grew up envious, and if I was envious, it was the good kind of envy. I had the support of my family and friends, so I was a very stable and balanced person. I think me, being a balanced person… actually you know what, I’m recalling now that it was this college friend who actually brought up the topic of jealousy, and that was my answer to him. I was sincere when I told him I wasn’t jealous of anybody. So I think me, being a balanced and happy person, got on people’s nerves. There were some people who wanted to break my confidence, wanted to make me insecure, and they knew about the child abuse, but that was something that was off limits, until it wasn’t. Another thing this college friend would talk about is how everyone wears a mask, and I could not make sense of what he was saying. I was such a genuine person, I guess, that I could not make sense of what he was saying. So now, “mask” is a buzz word, and now a fallacy, because it just another senseless reason to harass me with an effort to break my confidence and make me insecure. So what I’ve written above, is actually validated with this buzz word, “mask,” because why else would it be said. It’s said because, back in college, and after college, I was a happy balanced person who worked hard, and I guess this bugged not only this college friend, but others as well.
So what did it take to “take off my mask?” I’d say I’m still a confident person, probably even more confident than I was. I recall having anxiety sometimes, before the cyberstalking, and I didn’t know why. But now, I can go anywhere, and now I’m being cyberstalked, stalked, and harassed, and IDGAF. (this person who spies on my just said “pain!” and turned off the lights) Insecure… dude, the effort to make me insecure has persisted for years, so again, I think the efforts have just made me stronger. But how has this negativity affected me? Well, I’m not a naturally balanced person, it takes a lot of effort to be balanced. Let’s just say, if I had one person who was a solid support, it would make a world of a difference. Would I have no problems if this cyberstalking were to stop tomorrow? Besides the residual effects of the cyberstalking, probably not, but things would be a whole lot better than this oppression. I’ve gotten stronger since the cyberstalking started. The cyberstalking has grown to a continuous effort by harassers to have an affect on me, for whatever reason, they’ll find a reason if they don’t have one, and the effort is endless. Did the cyberstalking culture “take off my mask?” Not really, because that’s a fallacy, but as I’ve mentioned before, the cyberstalking culture did affect me and I was a nervous wreck at times, but I got stronger. But that’s what it took to have an affect on me; it took the cyberstalking abilities and people turning on me and me having pretty much no support. (some person spying on me just said “you hurt” which makes no sense, they’ve been saying this and spying on me in this room for almost a year now) Because the cyberstalking culture is so pervasive now, with the cyberstalking abilities, I experience negativity everywhere I go, almost all of the time. There are hiccups of positivity, and some support, mostly from the Internet, and it helps, but I’m still stuck in this cyberstalking high-tech concentration camp.
So today, the cyberstalkers were trying to make me envious. Did it work? Not really. Did it bug me? Yeah, because I don’t like being cyberstalked, but if I was emotionally retarded, I’d probably think I was jealous. Do these cyberstalkers feel envy? Probably, but I think if they really thought about the source of their envy, they’d realize it’s simply a personal issue that they need to resolve to be happy. So what happened? So I went to the grocery store and there were several people who were obviously trying to show me that I’m not, despite my efforts, in a state where anyone else besides me would probably be in. Was it just me making false observations? It appears not because of the verbal harassment and other harassments. It was a clear effort for them to try to make me envious. Was I envious? No. Did I experience a negative emotion? Probably for a couple of seconds, but it wasn’t envy. If it wasn’t envy, what was this negative emotion that was evoked? It was general annoyance. Annoyance because this is targeted harassment. Annoyance because this is a reaction to a blog draft that I haven’t even published but is visible to the cyberstalkers because of cyberstalking abilities. Now, why am I not envious that I’m not in that state, despite my efforts, and that I’m not these people who are in that state? So first, I wouldn’t want to be those people even if they are in that state. These specific individuals should have more maturity and good character, so no, I’m not envious that I’m not these specific individuals. Do I respect these people? To a certain degree, because I respect hard workers, but I can’t fully respect someone who is being disrespectful. Second, the only reason I’m not in that state, yet, is because of the cyberstalking and the abuse of others, and it’s not because I’m not making the effort and dedicating the time and energy. I’m happy with myself, but I’m not happy with the cyberstalking and the abuse of others. So am I an envious person or someone who is jealous of others? No. I understand my emotions. So what are these cyberstalkers trying to prove? That this cyberstalking is a result of people not knowing how to deal with or understand their envy?