For reasons I wont explain yet, I’ve been stressed. Upon receiving bad news, I lost my appetite and haven’t had much of an appetite since. I’d say I can deal with stress. However, there are some stresses that are manageable or avoidable, and then there are stresses that are unavoidable. Given the nature of the cyberstalking culture I’m victim of, there is harassment I simply cannot avoid, even if I tried; it’s characteristic of the cyberstalking culture to harass me. I’m enslaved. I’d say I’ve learned to deal with some of the constant harassment. I’ve utilized resources at my disposal to resolve the harassment. I’ve been at a higher level of stress than usual since about the start of this year. Granted, some of the stress was simply me doing work. However, the recent cause of stress seems to be a result of unfair treatment. I’m currently trying to resolve the issue, and things are looking promising. However, until the issue is resolved, I can’t help but to feel stressed. Since it’s been several days since I haven’t had much of an appetite, I decided to schedule an appointment with a therapist. Since I’m being cyberstalked, practically everyone is aware that I asked to schedule an appointment with a therapist, and there seems to be some retaliation. After asking to speak with a therapist, my roommate, who hasn’t been around the last couple of days, walks into the room and then his bedroom, and then I eventually hear a loud noise; it sounded like he hit the wall. After hitting the wall he says “give up” which is something my father says. This roommate eventually hits the wall again, it was a sharper sound this time, and then he whispered something with the word “shot.” I’ve been trying to make thing better for myself, which includes essentially coddling the cyberstalking culture, but so far it doesn’t seem effective. For the cyberstalking culture to retaliate for me scheduling an appointment seems more than unfair. I deal with enough stress simply by being cyberstalked. Further unfair treatment has added to that stress. Below is a stress curve I found on the Internet. In reference to this stress curve, I’d say because of the cyberstalking, I tend to be in the “overload” area. However, because of this recent unfair treatment, I now tend to be in the “burn-out” area. I want to be healthy, so I want to speak with a mental health professional.
5-6-22
loss of appetite. initial response was some kind of compassion. short lived, harassment returned. effects of stress was undesirable. Loss of appetite associated with becoming thin. Started to notice allusions to becoming overweight as a result of stress from harassment; desirable effect. My response to managing stress, seeking consultation from a mental health professional, not desirable. Evoked empathy and compassion. A desirable means to evoke empathy and compassion is to become transgender, so allusions to transgenderism, homosexuality, and bisexuality.
Doing what I can to resolve issue in question (stressor). Being cyberstalked and monitored. Effort to resolve issue not desirable. Upon printing documents, car paint was damaged. In anticipation to and upon sending emails, endured harassment. Seems like my effort to see a mental health professional is being used to further harass me. This is the cyberstalking culture’s effort to cause distress and mold me into the person they want me to be.
Issue causing stress has resulted in some harm, which hopefully can be resolved. However, it seems as though the cyberstalking culture is elated by the harm caused. The cyberstalking culture desires for me to be depressed, and not just stressed. Also allusions to prescription medication. It’s desired for me to take medication rather than seeking therapy.
The cyberstalking culture would prefer me to say and do nothing regarding the harm and the stress caused. There’s probably also some intimidation to deter me from trying to resolve issue. What’s surprising is how well known this issue in question appears to be. I really hope a proper resolution can be demonstrated and publicized.
Sent email this morning regarding concerns. Received an email about an hour later, and replied to that email within the half hour. My second email was essentially a second request. I’m constantly being harassed, and that is not an exaggeration. The harassment is unavoidable, unfortunately. I waited outside the building where I attend meetings, waiting for the next meeting and endured verbal harassment. The harassment was from an older male who has verbally harassed before. I’ve taken pictures of him and noted the verbal harassment he has said. He was accompanied by a female this time, I’m not sure how old she was, but she was younger than him. They were smoking in the smoking area. I took a photo of them. Before the photo the female said: “nobody likes you” “Noey” “sensitive.” After the photo the older male said “stitches,” which is short for the saying “snitches get stitches.” He’s probably saying this because civilian government workers are probably involved with the issue in question, but I’m really hoping the issue can be easily resolved. I’m harassed by both civilian government workers and military service members, and that’s generally speaking. I heard a guy approaching my direction whispering verbal harassment, I think. I figured it would be best to take a video which would capture audio and visual. I started to video record and eventually it was evident to the older male and the female that I was video recording them. Their behavior changed (or not) and so did their verbal harassment. I captured a good example of the indirect passive aggressive verbal bullying I endure on a regular basis. Here is the audio from the video recording:
5-6-22 verbal harassment from video recording
Here are my notes of the audio from the video recording:
So the audio starts with sounds of the guy who I heard approaching me entering the building with a cart. Then you’ll hear the older male and female talking at a distance. Their conversation sounds incoherent to me. Towards the end of the recording, it’s more obvious what they are saying is quite odd and only makes sense because they are verbally harassing.
Wow, just like with all audio recordings, I’m noticing much more verbal harassment than during the time the verbal harassment was being said.
00:08 – female says “he is”
usually said to say “he is a pedophile“
00:08 – older male says “I’m not saying it… she’s hot… nice looking… if she’s shallow inside, then of course that’s it, but I, I can’t…”
“I’m not saying it” is probably being said to suggest that I refuse to apologize to my parents for the child abuse. “Say sorry” is also said to suggest the same thing. I can only be so sorry, and have already expressed this. The reality is that my step cousin and I are the victims. I was cautious to talk about the child abuse, however, once I realize it wasn’t only my parents who contributed to the efforts, and many other people contributed and partook in the child abuse, it got to a point where I no longer needed to be cautious. These people, the older male who has verbally harassed me on more than one occasion, and the female who was with him, are prime examples of people partaking in the child abuse. I don’t know these people, I don’t know their names. I haven’t lived an easy life. My life is probably more difficult than either of these people, and there they are being passive aggressive verbally harassing, preying on someone who was abused as a child.
00:15 – female says “that is all… it’s all written down”
So I wrote a rebuttal statement and in that statement I wrote about the harassment I endure and how I believed the culture would change given that the culture is already written. I read the harassment prevention policy, and it says that nobody should be subject to such treatment. With this recent issue that has caused some harm, I mentioned in an email to a supervisor that it had caused me some stress and I was also disheartened as my effort to resolve harassment was in good faith, but I was then subject to some harm. Female seems to be teasing at this.
00:18 – older male says “mmm…”
00:18 – female says something that sounds like “mike”
00:19 – older male “of course, but I can’t f*cking hold [one eye], I can’t do it…”
one eye, is said to allude to the saying “an eye for an eye.” I understand this to mean that things should be fair. However, the cyberstalking culture abuses this phrase as an all encompassing reason to oppress.
I can’t do it, probably being said because of the motivation speaker I mentioned in a previous blog, but I’m not exactly sure why
I can’t f*cking hold, is probably being said because of the blog where I wrote about the song “shorty wanna be a thug.” I wrote about the child abuse. When I was young, my father would mention how he’d take me to TJ to have me see a prostitute. He’s promoting this reasoning that I could have waited for this prostitute, so it’s my fault for the height of the child abuse. I never took my father’s suggestion of a prostitute seriously, and it doesn’t explain the encouragement the child abuse. So again, it’s to rid himself of any responsibility.
00:21 – female says something that sounds like “you’re out of ???”
I don’t know what she means by this, sounds like she’s saying something in terms of a video game or something
00:23 – female says something that sounds like “that all”
not sure why this is being said, probably to say I have a small penis
Can’t really make out was is being said afterward, and then a truck passes by making a lot of noise.
00:30 – female looks back towards the truck that’s approaching her and then says aloud “butt!”
this probably to allude to the blog where I mentioned my soccer teammate and the incident where I said something not appropriate about a woman. I don’t know why this is being alluded to. I have nothing against this soccer teammate, just to be clear. He was one of the soccer teammates my father gave meth to and I’m sure he doesn’t approve of it.
Actually, I think I know why this is being said. This is to suggest that I’m not appropriate at work. At the beginning of the audio, the older male says “she’s hot… nice looking,” as if to correct himself and to say something more appropriate. [this reminds me. I wrote “handjob” because I couldn’t find a proper word as an alternative. I heard “handjob” at work, and I think it was from a couple of television hosts, and I then mentioned “proper words, not so proper”] Like I mentioned before, I stay away from females at work. This is something I was taught early on, even by my father, believe it or not. The reason this is being suggested is because it was nearing Valentine’s day, and I went to an office in the building to obtain a verification for something. I was waiting, and someone tells me that someone called me. It didn’t seem sincere, and it’s an allusion to something I’ll mention in the following bullet point. I told the guy he didn’t sound sincere and I was only a couple of feet away and didn’t hear anyone call for me, or anyone. I asked the people at the office if someone called for me and they said no. So I sat and waited, and then eventually one of the females in the office flirted with me. I figured since it was nearing Valentines day, she was wanted me to ask her out, but I just don’t get into relationships with people at work. In response to this, people were trying to turn this female against me, but she was still nice. I guess people didn’t like that this female, even with all the harassment I endure, still flirted with me. I left the building and returned later to get some mail, and the lady at the mail room, flirted with me, saying the same exact thing this other female said to me. This lady at the mail room is a nice person, however, I wouldn’t say she’s my type. I guess since this first female who flirted with me is young and attractive, it caused a huge and unnecessary action at work; I’d call it emotional chaos. On Valentines day, people thought I was going to ask this person out and it seemed like people were acting weird. Now somehow, it seems like it’s being suggested that I’m not appropriate at work, which isn’t accurate at all. I’m very paranoid about females and the workplace. For all intents and purposes, I’m asexual, and definitely a teetotaler. I’d argue that these very people are being inappropriate and offensive at the workplace.
So briefly, the calling of someone is to allude to an incident and to suggest I instigate trouble. This is one of many fallacies spread by my father. One day I was with my soccer teammates and parents at a restaurant. When leaving the restaurant, there was this guy, who seemed a bit drunk, staring at us. I told my soccer teammate’s father that I thought this guy was calling him. The guy was looking in our direction. There was a language barrier between me and this soccer teammate’s father. I could have been more clear and said this person is oddly staring at us and seems drunk, but I simply said that guy is calling you. Upon saying that, this soccer teammate’s father looks at the guy and acted like he was going to fight him. He wasn’t serious, and my soccer teammate held him back. So now my father spreads this fallacy that I instigated that commotion when I didn’t. I didn’t know this soccer teammate’s father was going to react in such a way. It wasn’t too serious anyway, but my father exaggerates and spreads fallacies to make me look like a troublemaker, and people easily subscribe to the fallacies my father promotes. This fallacy is usually said to use me as a scapegoat for when a situation has an unfavorable result.
00:38 – older male says “her account might be golden… one eye” and the female replies with by laughing
So, this is probably an allusion the the issue in question, the one that is causing me stress. The cyberstalking culture is so invasive in my life, they know almost everything about me and more. I don’t travel anywhere and I have no social life. Because of this, I live well below my means. This is just a hint to the issue in question, and I’ll write about it more later because I really do hope it get’s resolved.
The female makes a laugh, and the laugh sounds like the laugh of one of my uncles. I actually don’t know why she is trying to sound like my uncle.
00:43 – older male says “but I’m being mean” and then sounds like he says “baby”
He says this after looking at me and noticing that I must have been video recording. However, I believe they were anticipating me video recording.
00:44 – female says “oh, but it’s true”
00:45 – older male says “yes”
00:46 – female says “I hate people”
So I was going to get to this eventually in the vlogs, but I’d say in 2018, I realized that I really had no support. My nuclear family was mistreating me, and I realized everyone knew of the child abuse long before the breaking news, and pretty much everyone shorted me. I understand it’s a difficult situation. I know there are some people mature enough to be good people. I was surprised by how easily people I didn’t even know were partaking in the abuse culture (I’ve also received support from people I don’t know). This older male and female clearly demonstrate that. I don’t know how old this older male is, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he was old enough to be my father. I was clearly abused as a child, and I’m not mad at anyone, yet, I’m still subjected to the abuse culture. So, in late 2018, I said “I hate people” and cried myself to sleep. I don’t hate people, I think there are a lot of good people, but the cyberstalking culture interferes with every single interaction I have.
00:49 – female says something, very faint, sounds like she says “you’re acting (?)“
00:52 – older male says “suck my (eye?), oh, I hit snooze… but uh… fourteen, fourteen, yeah…”
Hit snooze: So this might allude to something that has been alluded to recently, or it might just make me think of an incident, and I kind of didn’t want to write about it, not because I don’t to talk about it, but because I don’t want to put anybody on the spot, in case they had good intentions. So in late 2014, there was the employer who led me on and then the breaking news. Sometime after the breaking news, I found a posting online for a programming job some distance away from where I lived. It sounded like a great opportunity. They were asking for people who know PHP, which is the programming language that Facebook was built on when it was getting started. The posting was a bit exaggerative, asking for someone as if they were a superstar. I think the posting wrote, “looking for a superstar programmer” or something similar. I was a bit suspicious. I sent my resume and got an interview. I recall showing up to the office building and someone from the building was playing the song Pony by Ginuwine. I don’t really listen to lyrics, except for the chorus. The company seemed pretty cool. I walked in and waited to be interviewed. It seemed odd because it seemed like they already knew who I was. How they knew who I was, I wasn’t sure. How they knew I was seeking employment, I had no clue. I had little to no idea what was going on at the time, regarding the cyberstalking. So I forget how the interview started, but I think the owner shows me around briefly, and then eventually takes me to the meeting room. Actually, he did show me around, because I’m recalling now there was an exercise room, and he told me he owned a building, which was right next to a lake. So eventually he takes me to the conference room, and before stepping into the conference room, he says something about a NFL press conference or something similar. I think he was saying he was meeting with NFL representatives later in the week, or something. Oh yeah, by the way, the person I don’t want to mention is an MMA fighter, and he unfortunately wasn’t there at the office, and he had a Darth Vader helmet on his desk. So eventually people gather into the conference room for the interview. I believe it was me, the owner to my left, a web developer in front of me, and mobile developer in front of the owner, and I think there was one more person at the end of the table to my left, but I can’t recall. So the interview starts, and in summary, I think the interview went very well. They asked me if I knew PHP and I said yes, and then they asked me to write something out, and I said that I wouldn’t be able to, and there was a pause. I then replied saying that if they could give me a day or two, that I could have something for them. I also showed them an app that I was developing. I called it Stacks and it was to help people save money. It was a simple app with a graph that would show your projected savings at a future date and how a financial transaction would lower or increase that projected savings amount. Most financial tools, if not all financial tools, only show your current financial situation, and not a projected financial situation. There are financial goals, but it isn’t quite the same as a graph that shows a projected savings amount. Anyway, so the meeting ends, and I say it went well, but I didn’t think it went well for me to be competitive with people who were applying. I didn’t actually have high hopes of being hired, I just found the job posting suspicious. I recall asking how many people were applying, and the owner said a couple just “came in” and I thought he meant a couple of people just walked into the office, but then I realized he was looking at his laptop and was probably saying he just received a couple of applications via email. In short, they didn’t ask me to code anything at home for them. The meeting ended and as the owner was walking me out of the conference room he asked me if I wanted to wait for his decision for hire or if I wanted him to call me on my way home. I said I’d wait, and I think he was either expecting or hoping for me to choose to be called on my way home. I was actually surprised that he was going to make a decision then, and not interview any further or review the applications he received. I figured they were in a hurry to hire someone. So I sit and wait while the owner meets with the developers to see if they want to hire me. Eventually the owner returns and calls me to his office. He was on his computer for a bit, having me look outside at the lake, and then eventually tells me they will hire me as a CSS programmer. CSS is the code that makes the websites look pretty. I thought he was saying they feel sorry for me, that I was not capable of actually programming PHP, but they’ll hire me to do some easier programming, CSS, because I’m good looking, or have green eyes, or something; that’s the way I understood it. The owner’s behavior seemed a little odd, I wasn’t sure why, I thought that he simply didn’t want to tell me in person that they weren’t going to hire me. So after he tells me the good news, I step out of his office, and the two developers are there showing me out the door, as if to congratulate me for being hired. I said thanks and they told me to be there early. I left the office, and I’d say I left the office a bit awkwardly, and somehow I believe this is alluded to. Anyway, so I go home and tell my sister about this interview, and somehow, I still don’t know how, but she seemed to have already been aware of the interview. I stayed up late unfortunately with my sister, but I set my alarm. Somehow in the middle of the might, I swore I heard my sister enter my bedroom and turn my alarm off. I didn’t hear my alarm clock go off, and I was already late. So I hop in the shower, and after the shower, as I’m getting dressed, I receive a call from this employer. I answer the call and tell him that I just got out the shower and that I’ll be on my way, and then he tells me to stay home. I was confused because although I was late, it seemed like they needed a developer, so I wasn’t sure why it would be much of a concern of me being late. I thought he was just calling to make sure I was on my way. I’ve worked at Google, and other software companies, and everyone shows up late; construction is different because you can only do work during sunlight. I was kind of bummed out, and I was also surprised that this prospective employer was a bit rude, like he was talking down at me a bit. Upon hearing that tone, I figured this guy must have known who I was, but I still have no idea how that whole interview was planned. I don’t want to speak badly about this employer, but I think this guy was out to cause me some harm. The reason I believe he asked me if I wanted him to give me a call regarding the decision is because I believe he wanted me to receive the bad news, and the drive into a ditch; there are many ditches in that area that people get stuck in. The reason he’d want to do that is because, like many other people, they want to be a part of or witness me commit suicide for publicity. That’s what I think. I could be wrong. That company had a media team, and soon after the interview, the media team was making allusions to babies and probably pedophilia… I think, because during the last phone call, I recall this employer mentioning the media team, but I can’t exactly recall why he mentioned the media team. Nowadays, it seems like this interview is being alluded to as if to suggest that I bomb interviews because of this whole pedophilia stuff; it’s the cyberstalking culture trying to turn people against me and make me not appealing. Like I said, I thought the interview went well, and there was a lot of strangeness at the time that I was confused about, and that I’m still confused about. I’ve had plenty of interviews afterward. I interviewed and worked at the Fortune 500 company in San Francisco soon after.
00:54 – female says “I need Ritalin”
I’m not sure why this person says Ritalin. Ritalin reminds me of a specific individual, but I won’t mention them until there are further allusions to that person.
00:56 – female says “So I like gang bang and I stop for like three days and I got back to work eventually, in reality… you’re not talking to my kids…”
I don’t know what this person means by any of this.
01:02 – older male says something I can’t make out.
After the video recording, I started audio recording since I was just basically video recording the concrete. I wasn’t sure if I’d post the audio recording, but after a brief listen, and just like all other audio recordings, there’s a lot of indirect verbal harassment that I’m noticing during the voice recording that I didn’t notice at the time of the recording
5-6-22 verbal harassment from audio recording
Here are my notes of the audio recording taken after the video recording.
The audio clip starts out with a lot of random things being said by the older male and the female. It’s clear what is being said is random. However, I can’t really make out what is being said exactly, so I’ll just allow people to listen to the first portion of the clip and notice the random words being said.
00:00 “this is your (owie/audi)”
trying to seek advice from a therapist, being perceived as me being injured. Audi is alluded to because apparently, although Audi is a nice car manufacturer, they supposedly always have issues. That’s to say, although I have certain skills, I’m always breaking down or have issues. I’m productive and can be productive through stress. The Audi fallacy is what’s desired of me by the cyberstalking culture.
00:01 “(wake/rape) force” or “wake board”
00:03 “(cack/cap) a bear”
00:04 “he’s hurt”
00:06 “I was tryna get bambi”
00:09 “stop it”
00:11 “nooo… oh, Noey… I shot you”
00:17 “here’s your truck… you’re not experienced”
this guy sounds like a coworker who was a superintendent. I worked as a carpenter. I’d say this superintendent knew some stuff but didn’t know enough to be a superintendent. Working for this company gave me the reassurance that I had the knowledge and experience to obtain a contractor’s license. The cyberstalking culture, primarily my family, seem to have stayed in communication with my coworkers at this company. I haven’t kept in touch with any of those coworkers, I don’t know what they are up to. It’s characteristic of my family to have a better relationship with the the people around me than I do because of the nature of the cyberstalking. I don’t know if this superintendent still works there, but if what I’m gathering is correct, he might have been fired for lack of experience. By the way, I was also reassured that people, in general, want me to work on their houses. When someone’s house, which is a largest investment, is at stake, it seemed like the influences of the cyberstalking culture weren’t effective.
00:19 “egg”
00:20 “screen shot”
I think this might allude to the fact that there have been some random screenshot popping up on my phone. It could just be me pressing the wrong buttons to turn off a the phone alarm in my pocket, but it’s also possible that it’s the cyberstalkers. This reminds me of something. My father had a friend who apparently shot himself with his own gun by accident. So it’s possible this alludes to that incident, but I’m not sure. However, this is the reason I don’t own any firearms. I don’t want to be found dead because I accidentally shot myself with my own gun. So I don’t own guns.
00:28 “are you the bambi” or, as I already wrote below…
00:29 – female says “I need a band aid”
The issue in question is causing me some stress. For that reason I want to speak with a mental health professional, or a therapist. As I mentioned earlier, I’m trying to be different, trying to do what I can to better my situation. My new tactic is to simply not verbally defend myself and be tolerant. My effort to resolve harassment resulted in some harm, that of which I’m hoping can be resolved. I actually do just want to get along with everybody. I’d say I’m generally respectful. I tried verbally defending myself, and I didn’t really like my strategy. I changed my strategy to criticizing the behavior and not the person. Now I just don’t say anything. I’m being monitored, so people are aware that I want to speak with a therapist. This is stressful for me, and I want some advice. I spoke with lawyers recently, and I really appreciated the advice. Now I’m reaching out to a therapist, and hopefully my situation gets better. I’m not asking for any kind of medication or anything. I simply want to speak with a therapist to get advice. I want to talk about the harassment I endure, the cyberstalking, and more, and I want to see what advice they can offer. So I think people believe I’m exaggerating, or that I may ask for medication. I’m not exaggerating and I don’t want medication. This is one reason “band aid” is being said, as if to say I’m exaggerating. “Band aid” is also said to allude to something. So I used to be a tutor, and there was this meeting where another tutor, probably smarter than all of us in the room, but kind of nerdy, said that the tutoring agency was a “band aid” to the education problem. People scorned at his comment. He was probably right. I believe I told my sister about this; there’s a lot of stuff I said and it’s surprising to me how well people were paying attention to what I was saying. Now, like I said before, I was very popular and well liked. It’s quite unfortunate, but the cyberstalking has turned people against me. I was someone who didn’t do good in elementary school, and then got straight A’s in high school. So I believe my sister is promoting this idea of having people single me out and hate on me, just like guy who’s comment was scorned at. My sister wasn’t there, but the students liked this tutor because he was smart and helpful. So I’m sure all of us who went to public schools can imagine that one guy that was probably a bit awkward, but had a lot of confidence because he was well read and smart, and was hated on because of that, and this is what my sister wants for me.
00:31 – older male says “(Andy/Abbvie), oh, this is the guy that (lives/jizz) right next to me”
Abbvie is a company that sells prescription drugs, I think, and it’s used to allude to antidepressants or whatever. The cyberstalking culture wants to see me more than stressed and wants me to take medication. I do not like medication, I seriously don’t.
this is the guy, this is probably being said to allude to the most recent vlog. I guess people don’t like what I said. I said they cyberstalking culture, at the time, was upset that with the schemes and efforts to turn people against me, that it wasn’t working, so that’s why I think I was being called a hoe. I could be wrong. However, that’s what it seems like to me. So I guess in retaliation to that comment, the cyberstalking culture seems to be now making a serious effort to turn everyone against me… I couldn’t care less… I’ve seen the worst of times… I couldn’t care less
00:33 – female says “no… naan”
no, usually said to allude to the time I told the instructor who drove me to the hospital when I was falsely imprisoned “no” when he started to verbally harass me. I was simply trying to defend myself and express disapproval. He was being a bully and I didn’t want to be bullied. So now this “no” is being said as if to suggest how dare I try to stand up for myself, I guess.
naan, so I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this at all yet, but it’s a topic I’ve been meaning to write about. Briefly, I’ll start out by saying, Indian people are some of my most favorite people. Why? In my experience, they are some of the nicest people I’ve ever met. I know when I interact with an Indian person, I know there’s a better chance that I won’t have to deal with passive aggressive behavior because they are generally respectful people. I had no idea that a couple of people I went to elementary school with had some resentment for me. I know other Indian people have expressed that the resentment is immature. So, of all of my elementary school, I think I was the only one who went to the university I went to, which may have cause some resentment because I was a failing student in elementary school. So, to express this resentment, there’s this rumor, and it’s so well known and so not accurate, that I talked bad about Indian food. That is so not true. So, one day, my classmate has a birthday party. At the birthday party, they served some store bought layered chip dip. I only recall the bean and guacamole layers, which isn’t even Indian food. It was cold, and at that point in my life, I don’t think I ever had cold beans. Cold beans to me were like uncooked beans. Cold food that was supposed to be hot seemed uncooked to me. One time my cousin ate cold pizza and I was in disbelief. So I didn’t like the cold beans, and the birthday boy and his grandma noticed. His grandma made a mean face at me. I wasn’t trying to offend anybody. I had no idea this was even a story until probably early 2019. When I dated the ex girlfriend in 2010, she took me to eat Indian food, as if I never had Indian food before; I’m convinced now that she must have heard of this story. I had several college friends who were Indian, and they were some of my better friends. The female intern at Google, she was friends with one of my classmates from elementary school. I took a math class and there was this Indian girl who was an active participant. I believe I already wrote about when the door might have been locked and I had to enter the classroom through the side door, and how it might have been a prank, and I didn’t realize it was a prank until 2019. I think the Indian girl might have had something to do with it, I’m not sure… I don’t care. It was a one time incident. HOWEVER. The cyberstalking culture uses this example as an everlasting reason to oppress me.
00:37 – the older male says “oh, I need a band aid, twerk… shrimp…” and then he says something about “his career”
his career, this is probably being alluded to more recently because it’s looking like I might be terminated under pretext once again. Also, there have been allusions for me move on and do something else; it seems like I’m more wanted in other communities. The cyberstalking culture is anticipatory, doesn’t want me be accepted, and wants to be controlling. They are observing and reacting, and there’s really nothing I can do about it. I’d say my “career” was over before it even started; that was the purpose of the child abuse and the reason people partook in the abuse culture. I have stories of people essentially telling me that my career was over before it started. There were some opportunities, so for me to say my career was over before it started is just an expression of the unfortunate situation. This is America and the free world. As long as humans have needs, there will be money, and there will be opportunities. If I were to do it all over again, I would have studied math and then go to law school to become a lawyer. It eventually became essential for me to study and understand the law to help with the cyberstalking and it’s byproducts. I’d probably be better off if I was a lawyer and studied the law much earlier. Things were not bad before the cyberstalking, but now that I’m being cyberstalked, which is enabled by some of the most powerful entities in the world, I think it would look quite bad if I ended up homeless or jobless. I’m also coming to terms with the fact that because of this cyberstalking, I might be “disabled.” The cyberstalking culture has made life so difficult for me. Most people around me are against me. What good is policy if people don’t adhere to it and then retaliate when there are possible negative consequences.
Nike, so this is a buzz word that has been said for quite some time, however, I’m not exactly sure when it started. It alludes to me moving on to be a professional MMA fighter and being sponsored by Nike. The allusions and the suggestions were serious. To make a long story short, the possibility of me fighting professionally is being perceived as a reality by the cyberstalking culture. So, if what I’m gathering is accurate, what is being expressed is, your career is over, but you have this possible opportunity which includes being sponsored by Nike, which seems like a good idea, until the idea starts looking more like a reality. At that point the sentiment changes to; the possible opportunity is actually not a good idea because it could turn people against Nike. I’d say that’s a general sentiment and pattern of behavior by the cyberstalking culture. I believe the people around me are surprised with themselves and at how serious their suggestion was, but as the suggestion started to appear more like a reality, the sentiment changed to something of the opposite. For another more practical example, people have been telling me to leave for quite some time and there are persistent efforts to make me leave. However, now that I’ve been preparing for the possibility of leaving, the sentiment has changed, and the cyberstalking culture is now telling me to stay… seriously. What’s more, as is being expressed here, there’s an effort to make me not appealing to future possible prospects. Sounds like I’m in a toxic relationship with the cyberstalking culture. The idea of a break up seems good up until the break up, where then the idea of a break up seems bad, so then the idea of staying together seems good, under certain conditions. Then the partner might also try to make you unattractive to future possible partners.
00:52 – older male says “shadow ban”
this is a new buzz word. I’d say it started around the time Elon Musk bought Twitter… or… it started around the time Elon Musk was going to buy a large percentage of Twitter and he was promoting some suggestions and new ideas for Twitter. However, I believe I heard this buzz word sometime before, and I was being told I was shadow banned, it might have been regarding Twitter. I wonder if shadow banning is a form of gaslighting… It’s clear the cyberstalking culture is gaslighting me, and I’m being shadow banned by several entities on the Internet. I don’t see how my vlogs and blogs seem to be seen by millions of people, yet the numbers don’t add up; “PewDiePie” has been said recently again. If I was collecting ad revenue, the cyberstalking would be less of an issue. Anyway, it seems strange to me now, however, reflecting back on the whole Twitter and Elon Musk stories, it seems like Twitter (the insiders) kind of panicked when I started tweeting more regularly, as if I was going to “take over” Twitter. So Twitter called on Elon Musk to outshine me, I guess, because I don’t have a clear understanding of what is going on. This reminds me of the time when my roommates were cyberstalking and panicked and called the ex girlfriends stepdad for help. Then Elon suggested making an edit button, which I thought was cool, however, I couldn’t help to think that I was being observed by Elon, which I have no problem with, I wish he’d talk with me, but I’ve been shadow banned, by the world, essentially.
01:08 – sounds weird, and I have no idea who said this, but someone says “shoot me” and then it sounds like the female says “die”
01:13 – someone says “I’m gay”
01:17 – older male says “what she said. open up a gap. I don’t know if you know what I mean, ???, Epstein”
So the panic of the Twitter insiders reminded me of The Office episode where there is a fire drill and everyone panics. I searched for the gif of that scene, because I know I’ve seen it before. Since I’m being cyberstalked, the cyberstalkers know that I searched for this gif. This is the reason I believe “what she said” is being said.
Open up a gap, so this could allude to many things, and I’m not exactly sure what it alludes to, and it’s surprising to me how many allusions I can think up just from these four words. So these are my suspicions.
First, this might allude to a time I went to my friend’s party, I forget what it was for. Another high school friend was there, he was a rapper and mentioned to his dad opening a Subway and in hindsight I believe that was a subtle attack of me, and his father looked at him with reassurance as if that was a great idea and approving is subtle attack of me. So I believe there’s a misconception of being ruthless and dominant. Ruthless and dominant doesn’t mean to abuse people. Ruthless means making the sacrifices necessary to accomplish a goal, which might be sacrificing precious time with your children. Dominant means absolutely controlling yourself; it doesn’t mean dominating others, it means dominating yourself. So again, there’s this misconception that you have to have no feelings to be good in business or whatever. Since my father took on this ruthless drug dealer persona, people think that’s the reason for my success. I’d say it is partially the reason for my success, but not for the reasons people think. That evil persona is what I wanted to get away from. I’m a good person and I attribute that to my education by the church. I’m surprised by how much my values align with biblical stories.
[I really enjoyed this person being my friend. In hindsight, I was preyed on by many people. It wasn’t 100% of the time, there were definitely some good times, but there seems to have been this underlaying preying of me. I’m not mad about it, however, it seems like these very people who would prey on me continue to actively partake in the cyberstalking culture. This friend is alluded to for a couple of reasons. This friend would make a joke which was about having no rights. So now this friend is currently and recently alluded to to make an allusion to me having no rights. The cyberstalking culture actively promotes the idea that I have no rights. Another reason this friend is alluded to, and for this second reason, his father is also alluded to as well, is because his father died of cancer. You know, I’m recalling now that this friend, I believe he has a good heart, but seemed to have dealt with his negatives by subtly preying on me. His mom and sister were always nice to me. Again, it’s difficult for me to be upset with people because I honestly felt loved and liked growing up. Anyway, his dad was cool. So the second reason this old high school friend is alluded to is to suggest that I have cancer.]
Second, this might allude to a song, as if to counter what I said in the last blog, saying that music did not influence my behavior. Again, music did not influence my behavior. I didn’t really even listen to lyrics, most times I listen to songs simply for the instrumentals and it’s the reason instrumental music is the music I listen to the most.
you know what I mean, again this is said to hint of a demand by a hint of a threat. The way he says it sounds like a slang word that was commonly said by my friends and I and was from rap music. “you know what I mean” is shortened to “ya-da-da-mean.” This might be originating from a high school friend. [It’s bewildering to me how much effort old high school friends and others of the cyberstalking culture make to partake in the harassment.] This high school friend is the person who would call me “diddy” which is a play on “did he?” and in reference to the child abuse. He’d also say “ya-di-di” which is a further play on “ya-da-da-mean” and what he was essentially saying was “yeah, die die” to encourage the death of me; that’s what I figuring, I could be wrong.
Epstein, so I guess this is in reference to the guy who had an island and would sex traffic girls under the age of consent, I’m not even sure if that’s an accurate description of the guy, however, I believe this is being said to either encourage the suicide of me or to suggest that I might end up committing suicide out of nowhere or someone might try to murder me and use suicide as a cover. First, I’m an asexual teetotaler. Second, I will never commit suicide. I’ve already expressed this. I believe suicide is a disservice to humanity. What’s more, I’ve seen way too many deaths, and I’m not going to let the abuse culture push me into suicide; I’m going to go out swinging, which essentially means, exercising my freedom of speech. It’s ironic, but I believe the very people who seem to encourage the suicide of me, or the harassers or whatever, also seem to be promoting their surveillance of me is suicide prevention. I don’t want to be monitored, the cyberstalking is used to harass me and not to protect me, I want freedom, and if I’m murdered, then I’m murdered, but my death won’t be due suicide.
01:25 – female says “I would too”
03:35 – older male says “have you ever had sex with you hand”
05:24 – older male says “let check him”
The air conditioner machine turned on and started to be too loud to keep audio recording.
father used to sell meth to a government worker, so father has some rapport with these government workers, whether they are into doing meth or not. The affiliation is in spite of me.
I’m being cyberstalked, so it could just be me, but when I call the medical facilities to schedule an appointment, it seems like they already know that I’m calling.
